help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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