Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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