well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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