never play flip cup with pint glasses
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
