I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
