This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
