Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
