she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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