I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
