oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
