The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
