Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
