I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
