Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
