she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
