I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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