I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize