He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
