Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
