Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
