dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
