So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
