Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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