I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
