rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
