I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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