is your mom at the bar?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
