whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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