On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
