I'm gonna have a badass scar
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
