I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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