I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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