Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
