Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
