I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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