It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
