In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
