like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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