we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
