My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
