I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Quick, to the slutcave!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
