I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
