Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize