Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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