Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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