I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your dad touched me again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
