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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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