im about as happy as oj after his trial
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
