Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize