Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
