You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
