Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
