Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
