I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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