So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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