A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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