That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
