The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
