It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
