Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
