Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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