If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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