I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
