What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize