And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
