last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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