Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
