Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
