Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
