We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize