I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
