Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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