i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
