Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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